The Occult Conservatory

The City of Angels

Right now I am sitting in DFW waiting for our connecting flight home from Los Angeles.  I had an amazing past 4 days, spending two with Brian Oldham who was just a blast.   What a blessing it all was.  Brian and I spent Tuesday shooting from 10:30 in the morning until dusk.  We went from everywhere from the mountains, forest, and the beach.  He helped me with techniques for shooting self portraits which I will definitely be using and of course sharing the outcome.  Then yesterday (Friday), we spent the day editing and eating (good day for sure)

Here is my new favorite self portrait and actually one of my favorite photos I have yet to take.  To me, this represents the focus and pressure we put on people who are suffering.  Whether it be celebrities' attention from the whole world or just the pressure to fit in in school (I can relate to that one but not so much the first one).  I know you can relate this image into something you have felt and gone through at some point in your life.

The Constraints of Enclosure

During the workshop we also recreated the very captivating untitled piece of Brian's you can see here.  Well here is our recreation of it..

Brian has been such an inspiration to me since I began pursuing photography and it was definitely a dream come true to get to know him and work with him.  

Unquenchable

This is an image I shot back in July 2013 while doing a 1-1 conceptual workshop with Rosie Hardy and we shot the beautiful Chelsea Edge!  I had such an incredible time learning from her and it was one of the best experiences I have ever had.  Rosie and I planned this concept around my disease and my story.  They are so particularly meaningful to me that I can't help but go back and play with them every once in a while.

To me this image is all about the fire that CRPS/RSD causes but with no matter how many treatments (water) you have, it will never be gone.  The teddy bear symbolizes the childhood that was stolen from me.  Feeling like you've fallen time and time again when the disease progresses and gets worse over time is something I channeled into the posing for this.

If you would like to learn more about CRPS you can here.  It would mean so much to me and all the others like me suffering from this rare disease that is so terribly misunderstood by all of our peers as well as many doctors.  If you read it then that would be great but think if each one of you who reads this post may tell a family member or a friend about it... Thousands of people could be exposed to this life changing disease which could lead to more treatment options and maybe even a cure!  Never the less, it could lead to early detection and that can save the life that the unfortunate victim has lived their whole life and come to love.

On the right you can see the image I started with and then transformed it into the image on the left. 

Affinity

 

What is it that drives us to create an image? Is it immortalizing a moment in time?  Is it to make life seem more beautiful?  Is it to represent our fears and struggles?  For me, it is all of the above.

Delicate Wings part 2

Bit delayed on part 2, huh?  Well it is here now with one final image, behind the scenes, an editing tutorial, and (my favorite) bloopers.  If you didn't see part one, here it is.  

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Lite försenad på del 2! Jo det är här nu med en sista bild, bakom kulisserna, redigering handledning, och (min favorit) bloopers. Om du inte såg del ett, är det här.

Delicate Wings

MMXIV

2014.

This year has already started off so amazing.  I've challenged myself creatively but not to the point where it becomes hard to enjoy yourself.  I've devoted myself to more time away from the computer (hence less blog posts) and I love it.  I miss blogging and want to get back into my groove but it was so nice to take a month's break and see what I missed and see what I'm glad I didn't have to do anymore. In other words, I'm back :)

Here are some odds and ends that didn't exactly have a set to be put in, but I definitely wanted to share with you.  Do enjoy. xxx

Now beginning to have my blog be in both English and Swedish, by the way.  If you didn't notice ;)

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2014. 

I år har redan började så fantastiskt. Jag har utmanat mig själv kreativt, men inte till den grad att det blir svårt att njuta. Jag har ägnat mig åt mer tid borta från datorn (därav mindre blogginlägg) och jag älskar det. Jag saknar att blogga och vill komma tillbaka in i mitt spår, men det var så trevligt att ta en månads paus och se vad jag missat och se vad jag är glad att jag inte behövde göra längre. Med andra ord, jag är tillbaka! :) 

Här är några småsaker som inte precis har en uppsättning att sättas in, men jag ville absolut att dela med dig. puss och kram!

FUNHOUSE

Clouded Mind

Anablephobia

Smoked Out

Pristine Fears

Sweet Dreams

Model: Abi Killinger
Dress: Ted Baker
Assisstant: Rod Plott

Rose Red Ink Blue

Love and Roses Die Together

This was my last photoshoot of 2013.  It was such an amazing year for me with my photography.  I grew so much and met so many amazing people along the way.  I worked on a 365 day project and got to 192 before ending it.  It got the point where I would dread taking a photo each day and editing it and I didn't want to do it because I had to, but because it's something I love and I realized that finishing the project but hating photography by the end of it was not worth it by any means.  I spent 3 days of workshops shooting with the one and only Rosie Hardy and it was one of the best times of my life.  I shot my first sporting events in 2013 as well and I realized I have a passion for that as well. Baseball is fun and I will continue to shoot that but I really did fall in love with shooting football.  I remember how all week I was just ready for the Friday night lights to come on and all my stress could be relieved.  I remember the first shoot of 2013 (final image here) and I really thought I had step up my game (which I did) but it's crazy to me how much difference a year can make.  I took a lot of risks with my photography with trying new styles and some made me realize how I wanted to do things and others made me realize that I'll never try that again.  All I can ask of 2014 is another year of learning and improving just like this past year.  Can't wait to see where it takes me!

Rose Red Ink Blue

model: Kiley DuVall

Delicate Wings

Model: Kelsi McCracken
Dress: Jessica Plott
Shoulder Piece: Romwe

Burning for a Cure

Fall down seven times, stand up eight

I doubt many of you know this, but November is worldwide CRPS/RSD awareness month.  It is such a rare disease that effects so few people (thank God) but it still affects people. Kids like me, adults, it can even affect animals. I always strive to make people aware of this terrible and confusing disease.  We may look completely normal... We might laugh and smile... But that does not mean that we are not constantly in excruciating pain.  We have learned to live with it.  Don't say we are faking.  Don't say that we are just having a bad day and it will be fine.  Do say how strong we are; how amazing it is that we cope with it.

I wish I would have done more this month but why does one month matter more than the others?  Why can't every month be filled with such passion from the families of those affected?  Why aren't there fundraisers every month and walks and 5ks? That just isn't how it works, I guess. It should though, right?  We should always try to help each other no matter what the situation.  So many people fundraise for cancer research and the goals they reach are phenomenal!  Why stick to one problem though?  CRPS is so rare and affects so few people that nobody knows enough about it to know what they should be fundraising for as well!  If each of you who read this tell one person about it... it could really make a difference.  Awareness is key for early detection and knowing how to treat people with this condition.  You could be the reason someone goes into remission from early detection simply by telling someone about it who can start a chain reaction.  I'm sitting here smiling just thinking how great that could be making sure nobody else has to be in my position I am in today.  (Basically today is the third day my left knee has been dislocated due to dysfunctional muscles spasming and pulling my knee cap out of place.)

Jaded Childhood

All in all, I just want to say how important it is to CRPS fighters and their families that something is done for this.  I cannot stress enough how much awareness means to us and how important research funding is!  Here you can donate to help RSDSA provide support, education, and hope to everyone affected by CRPS/RSD while we drive research to develop better treatment and a cure.

Burning for a Cure

Courtney Adelle

I Try to Hold on but Everything's Gone

Love is not Lost

Do We Truly Believe?

Model: Courtney Adelle

She is actually such an amazing musician and I hope you guys will check her out.  Here are some links:

-Speed editing video of one of her portraits along with an original song!

-Her Facebook page

1 Year

This month I am celebrating my one year anniversary of starting my photography.  I have really grown a lot this past year and I just wanted to share about the changes I have made since then (shooting & post processing) and share my photographs with you all!

A Life Left On The Shore

A Life Left On The Shore
taken by Chaz Mcrae
model: Jessica Plott
edited by Jessica Plott

I Wanna Cry Until I Laugh and Laugh Until I Cry

Coming Up for Air

Weight of Words

The weight of your words effect mine.

That sadly is so true for so many people.  People throw around the harshest words for no good reason.  What is being accomplished by calling someone fat or ugly?  You could be causing them depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder.  You don't realize how one word could be the reason someone might decide to commit suicide or starve themselves for days on end.  But let me tell you, words are not worth your life.

Breathe Me

So today my post will be a bit different than my usual.  I began it with my final image like usual, but I have also attached photos straight from my camera prior to any Photoshop expanding and editing!!  I have never released photos prior to photoshopping them!  Hope you enjoy seeing the before and after, because it took quite a while for me to get it the way I wanted it :) 

Oh, and thank you for 13k views. xoxo.  Your support is so wonderful to have.

CRPS

This is all so important to me.  CRPS stands for Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and is also known as RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy).  It is a dysfunction of the nervous system causing extreme chronic pain and severe hypersensitivity.  I've made it my goal to spread the word about this rare disease that has changed my life.  There is still no cure for CRPS and I would give anything for there to be one.  To donate to research you can visit RSDS.org.  Now let me share my story of how it changed my life... 

Memories of You

1/365

Okay so this is from the day I started my 365 day project (take a photo(s) everyday for a year).  I was with three of my friends. One who is the sweetest girl you will ever meet and is just absolutely stunning (model).  The second being Miss Bryley Jae who we love and love to screw with incessantly (blonde). Last but not least, JeLynn who you see screwing with Bryley in many of these photos (bright pink shirt girl).  While we were on this trail shooting a sweet little pup found us and took to us immediately.  He was starved and bony and he kept eating the flour that we were throwing around and it was so heart breaking (yes, I took him home with me and he played with my dog Kevin and ate a good meal).  

So many people expect me to be completely serious all throughout my shoots, which as you can see is definitely not the case.  We get into trouble sometimes and we goof off but we still get good shots and we create even more memories.  Being 15 I am too young to take myself so seriously as a photographer and needless to say it is much more fun this way! :)