Weight of Words

Monday, July 22, 2013

The weight of your words effect mine.

That sadly is so true for so many people.  People throw around the harshest words for no good reason.  What is being accomplished by calling someone fat or ugly?  You could be causing them depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder.  You don't realize how one word could be the reason someone might decide to commit suicide or starve themselves for days on end.  But let me tell you, words are not worth your life.

Fat: a three lettered word.  How could that be a good enough word to starve yourself and purge if you do eat?  It isn't.  How should three letters define you as a person?  They just can't.  You are not a weight (as much as that is overused, it is true), you are a person with a name and a favorite song and a family and you have as much of a place in this world as the person after you in the phone book.  You aren't how much fat may be on your stomach or your thighs.  You are a soul who has a hobby and friends and so much to live for.  You shouldn't cause yourself pain because of three letters someone said.

Bitch: a five lettered word.  Okay so I don't even have anything wise or comforting to say about that word.  A bitch is a female dog and if you are reading this and have been called that then they are obviously ignorant and why should they matter.

Studies show that people who have been bullied (and don't worry I am not making this up, I did my English final about it a year ago) have a much higher maturity and the part of their brain that controls their creative problem solving skills is much more developed and smarter because of what they have gone through.  I chose to write a PRO BULLYING SPEECH (yes, I know absolutely nuts) because I wanted people to know that there is a bright side.  It isn't all terrible.  You are actually becoming smarter because of that rude person!  They are giving you a gift (in a twisted way...).  Life is a whole mess of crazy problems and if you learn how to solve them early rather than later, harder rather than easier, just imagine how successful you could be someday?  I know that by the time I am out of high school I will be so wise and witty and creative at solving problems that when I start my business all the challenges and problems I face with it, I will know that I can solve them quicker and easier that way because of what I went through when I was younger.
This was the photo I had taken about a month ago that inspired me to write this blogpost tonight.  The title is Weight of Words (the same as this blogpost) and it means so much to me.  I am the model in this shot and that was a risk for me because I don't put myself out there like this hardly ever.  I hope you can appreciate what I did for the sake of my art.
With my CRPS I have been bullied constantly because nobody can believe there is such a thing and that I must be making it up.  I even had a friend of mine tell everyone at school I had cancer because she couldn't understand what CRPS was.  It isn't easy, but it's life.
This is me with no makeup.  I didn't fix my hair.  Do I ever go out like this? Hardly ever.  Do I honestly think I look pretty? Yes.  
Trapped.  Being squeezed into a mold that you just don't fit.  I think we can all say we have been in that place before.  You aren't alone and you don't deserve to be treated in such a way.  They should be thankful for the qualities you do have instead of focusing on the few you don't!
When thin people are still called fat.  Look at that and tell me that is fat?  No, you are sadly mistaken.  That is someone who has been stomped on and heartbroken again and again and no she does not deserve to be told such things and neither do you.
This was a self portrait I took last week.  I am very proud of it but I am also depressed by the fact this is how people deal with their pain.  This piece is entitled "5 Stages of Grief" and I feel like for so many teens who struggle with bullying and eating disorders this really is what it looks like.  To those of you who can relate to this, I want you to know that you can get through it and I believe in you.  I believe that God will give you the strength to get through the terrible times that are happening.
Looking into the mirror and not seeing who you want to be.  Not being as skinny as you would like.  Not gaining weight as you would like.  Not being "pretty" enough.  I hope you can see the beauty in your soul instead of what your skin shows because the people who know you see that soul who has beauty.

I would like to think that someday people will realize the implications of their actions and will stop hurting each other the way we have all once felt.  I pray for that all the time and no matter what religion or spiritual belief you have I hope you do the same or equivalent.  I am tired of seeing deep, dark, sad posts on my photo streams and understanding what that must feel like because in a way, I have been in a similar position.  I wish we could all be inspired by the happy things in life.  Then again I believe we are.  I was inspired by someone who passed away recently (Talia Joy Castellano) who helped so many people and put a smile on their face no matter what she may have been feeling like, which is very much a positive thing, and so I decided to blog about this.  I wanted to help those of you who have been victimized by someone who is no better or smarter or cooler than you.  I'm not good with words and I've never said I am but I tried my best and I was honest and I hope you can see that.

How long will it take before we realize we each have been hurt by one another and that there is no need for it to rage on?